Full Circle...

November 1st will be a year since I lost my job and my dad was given 6 months to live. 

We have nearly come full circle and so much has happened in a year.  I have come to realize that I have absolutely no real control over how things turn out.  It has been a very hard lesson to me, to let go of the reigns and let God handle it for me.  I find myself trying to take back control and every time that I do, I find things go completely and utterly crazy.

I remember a few weeks after Addison was born, praying that there was some way I could stay home with her like I had with Hailey and Jillian.  I was distraught at the thought of putting her in daycare and not being able to be with her.  Then this new job comes along - and I thought it was surely the answer to our prayers.  Better hours, better money and I could be with the girls in the afternoons.  The day I lost my job, my replacement arrived ready for me to train, and her shirt read:  "Got Faith?"  I remember feeling so angry and afraid - what were we going to do if I didn't have a job?  How would we make it?  When she walked in and I read her shirt it took all I had not to start laughing hysterically.  It was a message, loud and clear, to let go, that He had it all under control.

A year later I have the business I have always dreamed of having, I am able to stay home, I'm able to help my dad everyday, and while things haven't been perfect, they have worked out.  When I thought there was no possible way for things to work out, they did.  Every. Time.  It was all a matter of realizing that He would take care of all of it, just as He has promised, if I would just let Him. 

And my dad.  My dad beat 6 months by, well, 6 more months.  And that my friends is a blessing straight from God.  I remember wondering if he was going to be here for Christmas last year.  And then Christmas came.  Christmas went.  I worried about whether he was going to be here for Addison's first birthday.  And it came. and went.  And he was still here.  And he's still here today.  And it's a blessing.  It's proof positive that while the doctor's may have given him 6 months, God had other plans. 

It has taken me a long time to come along spiritually enough to be able to trust that there was a higher power that would take care of me.  And in so many ways I have come full circle.  He answered my prayers that day I prayed to be able to stay home.  He just didn't do it in the way I thought He would.  But I'm home.  Prayer answered. 

I still struggle - like today.  Worrying about things that I have absolutely no control over.  Trying to remind myself that worrying will do nothing and that I just have to trust that He has it all under control.  It's tough and I slip more often than I can keep track of. 

Wow.  Okay, so I promise a lighter post next time LOL.  Have a wonderful Thursday everyone and a very Happy Halloween tomorrow.  I know the girls can't wait!

Comments

[christi]

Hey girl..I can completely relate!!! Especially lately! Hugs to you. And yanno...call me sometime! ;.)

[Charisse]

Girl, you know he ALWAYS takes care of those who have faith in him! He is the alpha and omega! Nothing begins or ends without His hands on it! You don't see what you want coming but when it does, you should laugh and giggle and talk to HIM about how he just continues to bless you, even when you don't feel you deserve it! I do it ALL THE TIME!!! Good news about your dad and your business! I happen to think you deserve all the good stuff too!

[Staci Compher]

wow!! feel like you were posting for me.....it's been a year today that I buried my husband..and thanks for the reminder...to give it all to HIM...and trust in HIM...